I have waded through many waters

I have waded through the slough of despond.
I have waded through the waters of bitterness.
There have been days when the slime of criticism
caused me to lose my balance completely

Teetering near the edge I have fought the darkness
that threatened to engulf me
and the self doubting that slurped up my
confidence like a starving cat slurping milk

Sometimes I could feel my grip losing hold of reasoning
and clutching onto nameless dread and fear
Swept up in a tornado of hopelessness
and despair

My mind spinning and my heart reeling
from the onslaught of unanswered questions
I have fought like a wildcat to keep
my sanity and hang onto my faith

When silence echoed back and I bit
my lip in sore vexation
When my thoughts were at enmity
with my quest for peace

Tasting on my lips the agony of defeat
I cursed my stubborn refusal
to acknowledge that I had come
to the end of  the road

Never wanting it to be said that faith
had died in me
I faced the hurt of knowing
I toyed with the steely chains
of disbelief

Begging your forgiveness
I acknowledged the pain
you bore for me
and bowed my head in grief

Wading through these murky waters
is not easy to do
and these are not places I care
to visit frequently

Seeing sunlight ahead
I summon my last ounce of strength
Feet heavy as lead I move slowly
purposefully towards the thin ray
of light

Dragging myself out of the murky depths
I grab hold of the vine as I am pulled
up the steep, slippery slope
for what seems like eternity

Then at last I feel solid ground
beneath my feet and I have to
put my hand over my eyes so
brilliant and dazzling
is the light

Safe at last I rest
happy and confident
Basking in love and grace
and yes, somewhat shamefaced.

Leila Rose-Gordon (9-12-14)
(c) 2014 Leila Rose-Gordon All Rights Reserved