I have waded through many waters

I have waded through the slough of despond.
I have waded through the waters of bitterness.
There have been days when the slime of criticism
caused me to lose my balance completely

Teetering near the edge I have fought the darkness
that threatened to engulf me
and the self doubting that slurped up my
confidence like a starving cat slurping milk

Sometimes I could feel my grip losing hold of reasoning
and clutching onto nameless dread and fear
Swept up in a tornado of hopelessness
and despair

My mind spinning and my heart reeling
from the onslaught of unanswered questions
I have fought like a wildcat to keep
my sanity and hang onto my faith

When silence echoed back and I bit
my lip in sore vexation
When my thoughts were at enmity
with my quest for peace

Tasting on my lips the agony of defeat
I cursed my stubborn refusal
to acknowledge that I had come
to the end of  the road

Never wanting it to be said that faith
had died in me
I faced the hurt of knowing
I toyed with the steely chains
of disbelief

Begging your forgiveness
I acknowledged the pain
you bore for me
and bowed my head in grief

Wading through these murky waters
is not easy to do
and these are not places I care
to visit frequently

Seeing sunlight ahead
I summon my last ounce of strength
Feet heavy as lead I move slowly
purposefully towards the thin ray
of light

Dragging myself out of the murky depths
I grab hold of the vine as I am pulled
up the steep, slippery slope
for what seems like eternity

Then at last I feel solid ground
beneath my feet and I have to
put my hand over my eyes so
brilliant and dazzling
is the light

Safe at last I rest
happy and confident
Basking in love and grace
and yes, somewhat shamefaced.

Leila Rose-Gordon (9-12-14)
(c) 2014 Leila Rose-Gordon All Rights Reserved

Take A Step Back, Now Move Forward!

Sometimes we need to take a step back.  You know how it is.  When we are too close to the situation, it is sometimes difficult to understand what God is saying to us.

As we ponder the events in our lives, it really helps if we give them an eternal perspective. When we are caught up in the “moment” it is difficult to think clearly. That is why it is so important to remain closely connected with Jesus.

Jesus gives our lives meaning.  When we live purposefully we remain content and at peace.  There will be times when we lose focus but it is so important to be conscious of what is happening in and around us.

It is so much easier to bounce back when we hold firmly to His hand no matter what happens in our lives. It is so much harder to find our “way” when we leave Him to wander aimlessly.  Sometimes because of pride we do not want to admit to family or friends that we are “lost.”

Friend, try not to go wandering off in the woods by yourself!  Too much precious time is lost that way.  Really, there is nothing new under the sun.  Really, Jesus does know the way better than you do!  A spiritually mature man or woman is one who has learned to lean on Jesus, as only by leaning on Him can you gain true independence, true freedom and a true sense of direction and purpose in life.  This is one of the paradoxes of life.  By leaning on Jesus we become tall and strong.

Jesus already has our lives all figured out.  Remember he was with God from the beginning!  He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.  What better person to place our trust in!

It is so much easier to give him the controls. Show me a strong man and I will show you someone who has learned to trust in God with all his heart, and to lean not unto his own understanding.  Show me a strong woman and I will show you someone who has learned to acknowledge God in all her ways.  

When we allow God to direct our path we gain confidence.  We can move about and complete our daily tasks with the assurance that comes from knowing that we have placed our trust in someone who is all powerful yet who truly cares about us.

So take a step back, then move forward! Ask Jesus to take control of your life today!  Let Him lead you day by day.  Let Him give meaning to your life.  Give Him all your cares and trust Him to guide you each step of the way!

Leila Rose-Gordon

9-22-12